I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T Do You Know What that Means?

And I’m not just talking about the rap song.

4 Things You Need to Know about becoming more Independent:

When you were a kid odds are at some point you stole a few extra cookies from the jar when your parents weren't looking or maybe you colored some nice artwork on the inside of your closet door. Whatever the case may be, eventually you got caught. Maybe you were an honest and trustworthy child and pleaded guilty when your parents confronted you. Or, like most kids, you probably tried to blame your brother or sister for whatever crime you committed. Either way, you should feel lucky that you had the option because some of us didn't have any siblings to hand off our responsibility to. And these "some of us" are called only children. 

I can tell you from first-hand experience that being an only child was not an easy task. I got all the bad aspects that come with being the oldest child, like having to test the waters in my teenage years by trying to sneak out or have boys over, but I didn't get any of the good stuff like picking on younger siblings or bossing them around. However, now that I'm in college and have moved out of my house, I've realized that there are many lessons that being an only child taught me and that people my age would benefit from knowing, but I'm only going to focus on one in this article. Below are four ways being an only child taught me how to be independent. (Aka four steps to becoming a more independent person).

1. Learn how to Take Risks.

One night during my junior year in high school my best friend Peyton and I snuck out of my house to go hang out with a few senior boys. We made fake bodies on the couch so if my mom walked by the living room she would think we were asleep (genius, I know). However, there was one flaw in our plan. Since we had a security system that set off an alarm when someone opened the front door at night, we left the door cracked so we could get back in without waking my mom. Long story short, the wind blew open the door, so my mom woke up in the middle of the night seeing the door wide open, thinking that someone broke in our house and that Peyton and I were still sleeping on the couch. Needless to say, she was not happy.

Being the only child in my house you can probably guess that I had a few other similar experiences. I had to be the one to take chances and figure out how far I could stretch my mom’s leniency. Who knows if that was a good or bad thing? All I can tell you is that it taught me how to be a risk-taker and to go after opportunities.

In order to become more independent, you have to take chances. You have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone and do things that you never thought would be possible. Whether this means moving from a small town in Indiana to NYC like I did, or starting small by trying out for a part in a play or joining the swim team. If you never take any risks, you’ll never find out what your full potential is and you may be missing out on a lot of great opportunities. If I would’ve never taken the chance to move to NYC, I wouldn’t have made the friends I have today, I probably wouldn’t have gotten some of the internships I’ve had, I wouldn’t know that I was capable of adapting to a different environment and way of life, I wouldn’t have grown to be the person I am today, and the list goes on.

2. Learn how to be Responsible for Your Own Actions.

You can’t be very independent if you don’t know how to be responsible for yourself. Luckily (although, I thought unluckily at the time), when I was younger that was my only choice. I didn’t have others to rely on to help me clean up my toys or wash the dishes. If I did something wrong I didn’t have an excuse. It was my fault and I had to own up to it and bear the consequences.

Life is the same way. If you go around constantly blaming others for your misfortunes, you’ll never be able to move forward. You need to accept responsibility for whatever situation you’re in because only you have the power to change it. Until you realize that, you’ll be miserable and resentful toward others for the rest of your life. After all, you can’t become an independent person if you believe your mistakes depend on other people’s actions.

3. Learn how to Make Your Own Decisions.

Growing up in a household that consisted of only myself and my mom I usually got to make my own choices such as what I wanted to eat for dinner or what I wanted to watch on television. These sound like pretty simple tasks, but after 18 years of living this way it really made an impact. Of course the consequences weren’t all good. I had to learn how to compromise and not always get my way, but more importantly I learned how to make my own decisions.

Not only is this important in becoming an independent person, but it’s just a good trait to have in general. I didn’t realize how many decisions I would have to make when I moved away, such as where to live, what groceries to buy, and should I spend money on that dresser? The quicker you learn how to make these simple decisions on your own, the more independent you’ll become and the easier it will be when you have to make more important decisions like should I spend thousands of dollars to study abroad in Italy?

4. Rely on Yourself. 

Finally, being an only child helped me learn to rely on myself. I had to trust my own instincts and my own judgement. Sure, I had my mom I could go to, but we all know there are some things that you just don’t want to talk about with your parents. Fortunately, I had some close friends I could talk to, but for the most part I depended and relied on myself.

Sure, it’s important to think logically and reasonably, but being an only child taught me that when worst comes to worst you have to trust your gut. This is important because if you can’t trust your own instincts, you’ll constantly be questioning your own decisions and you’ll never want to take that leap of faith to step out of your comfort zone and become more independent. 

So there you have it. Learn how to take chances and go after opportunities in your life by making your own decisions and relying on your own instincts. Things rarely work out the first time, so when they don't, don't blame others for your mistakes. Own up to them and try again. You'll feel more independent in no time.

Stay tuned for more life lessons from an only child.