Dating Tips from an Only Child: Balancing the Space

"I think we just need some space." 

This is pretty much the last thing that anyone wants to hear in a relationship. Giving one another space usually has a negative connotation in the dating world, but as someone who grew up as an only child, I'm here to tell you otherwise.

Space is a good thing as long as it's balanced well. When I first started dating my boyfriend this was a difficult concept for him to grasp. Growing up as an only child, I've always enjoyed being alone or doing my own thing since that's what I was used to, but it's hard to understand that when you didn't experience the same childhood as I did.

Sure, when you're dating someone and start to really like them or even fall in love with them, you want to spend every second you can get with each other. Trust me, I know that feeling all too well. And as much as being in a long-distance relationship sucks, it has certainly taught my boyfriend and me why it's important to spend some time to yourself.

To be clear, I am definitely NOT recommending that everyone should spend months apart in a long-distance relationship. However, as an only child I can confidently say that it is important that you don't forget to save some of your time to spend on yourself. It's easy to get so wrapped up in loving each other that people sometimes forget to live for themselves too. Being an only child has given me the independence and confidence to stay true to myself and go after my goals even if that means moving to NYC and having to be apart from my boyfriend for a little while.

All I'm saying is you should love each other, but love each other enough to support one another's individual hopes and dreams. Love each other enough to not hold each other back. Don't forget to go out with your co-workers once in awhile, or have dinner with an old friend. Take my word as an only child who is in a long-distance relationship and has actually learned from it, it's important to take a step back from your relationship and spend some time away. After all, it helps you appreciate the special time you do get to spend with each other even more.

5 Ways Dogs Can Act as Siblings to an Only Child

Calling all dog-lovers out there. Has your furry friend helped you through rough times? Made you laugh? Made you cry? Here are five ways my dogs have acted as my brother or sister when I didn't have any siblings to spend my time with growing up as an only child.

1. They were my first friend. 

My parents had a dog named Barnum before I was even born. He was there for me ever since I learned how to crawl. Since I was an only child and was too young to make friends, he was my support system. Literally. He held me up when I was learning to walk. He took on the role of my older sibling and made sure no one messed with me. He was the best big brother I never had.

2. They slept in my bed when I was having bad dreams. 

Since I was an only child, I didn't have anyone's bed to crawl into after I woke up in a panic from a nightmare or heard creaking noises coming from the hallway. Sure, sometimes I would sleep with my mom, but when we got our dog, Pebbles, she was like a younger sibling who understood that sometimes I would get scared or lonely. She always let me cuddle her and let me raise her like she was my little sister.

3. They cheered me on at sporting events. 

Most only children probably understand what it feels like when your teammates or classmates have their whole family show up to competitions or events and you just have your mom and dad there to watch you. Well, Pebbles was always a plus one and came to watch me whenever she could. She took the role of being a supportive sibling and came to cheer me on during my cross country races and let me introduce her to my friends and coaches. 

4. They ate dinner with me when my mom wasn't home. 

When I got older and finally got the freedom to stay home by myself (since I was an only child and never had any older siblings to babysit me), I also had to eat dinner alone from time to time. Luckily, we got a new dog named Tucker who loved to eat with me. I spoiled him every now and then and let him eat candy with me while my mom wasn't home in exchange for his company. He has never failed to be the best dinner date I could ask for. 

5. They sent me off to college and welcome me home every time I come back to visit.

Sadly, Barnum passed away awhile ago, but Pebbles and Tucker have stuck by side unconditionally, just like they were my own brother and sister. No matter how much time passes, nothing ever changes when I finally see them again. Well, besides the fact that they both are usually taller and have gained some weight, but I think that's a normal way to feel when people go awhile without seeing their younger siblings. Then again, I guess I'll never know since I'll always be an only child.

Dating Tips from an Only Child: Communication is Key

"A thousand miles seems pretty far, but they've got planes and trains and cars, I'd walk to you if I had no other way."

Sure, this may seem like an angsty teenage love song by the Plain White T's, but for me, an only child in a long distance relationship, it is so much more than that. 

This is one song that has kept me going over the past three years I've been dating my boyfriend. I don't know if it's the fact that they are actually singing about someone who lives in New York City, or the fact that my boyfriend can play it on the guitar (he's so cool), but what it all really comes down to is communication.

Like I've mentioned, as an only child I rarely ever had to worry about compromising or thinking about other people in my home when I was growing up. I lived with my mom and I just had to listen to her, but even then the most communication we had was which friend's house I was going to, how I was doing in school, and what I wanted for dinner. Our household of just us two was very laid back and straight forward, so we barely ever had to worry about any big issues of communication.

That all changed right after high school when I started dating my boyfriend, Alex, and I moved away to NYC while he stayed in Indiana. It was like communication was the only thing I had to worry about now and it was super frustrating at first since I was an only child used to keeping to myself. All of our problems and disagreements seemed to stem from communication issues. Why didn't you call me last night? When are we going to FaceTime? Or just getting in stupid arguments because of the way we were interpreting each others' texts. You'd think after almost three years we would have mastered the art of communication, but it's still something we have to work toward each and every day. 

The big lesson I have taken away from this is to tell each other how you feel all the time. This still isn't easy as an only child, especially since I never had to worry about constantly expressing certain opinions or thoughts to others. Many times my boyfriend and I have gotten into a tiny misunderstanding that shouldn't have become as big of a deal as it did, but we had feelings buried deep down that would come out over the small issue, escalate and then blow the entire thing out of proportion. We could've just avoided the fight altogether if we would have brought up our feelings on the deeper issue beforehand in a mature conversation instead of letting it get to that point. 

Things are never perfect, but we have gotten a lot better now. Even though sometimes we don't agree and we still get into arguments when we communicate with one another, they never get out of hand or blow up because we try to tell each other right away rather than wait until a small problem gets brought up and triggers a deeper-rooted issue. If we do get into an argument we always try to talk it out over the phone so that way nothing can be miscommunicated through text messages. 

But, whether you have to communicate through texting, phone calls, FaceTime, or in person, communication is always key. Even if it's a simple quote taken from the Plain White T's, it all counts. Learn this lesson the easy way and take it from an only child who spends the majority of her relationship communicating over FaceTime. 

#NationalSiblingDay? More Like #OnlyChildProbz

Today is the day where brothers and sisters all around the world will take a break from their disagreements and rivalries and remind each other that even though they don't always get along, they are lucky to have one another. In other words, today is THE MOST DREADED day of the year for an only child. The last thing we want is to hear is how great it is to have siblings in your life. We like to be constantly reassured that they steal your clothes, take all the attention, and get you in trouble. That being said, in honor of National Sibling Day, I will be dedicating this post to all the only children who are feeling left out on this special day.

I don't know about you, but as an only child I often wonder what it would be like if I had siblings. Whenever I'm watching a TV show like FRIENDS or The Vampire Diaries, I can't help but feel jealous about Ross and Monica's hilariously cute relationship or Stefan and Damon's loyal, brotherly love. In fact, it seems like in almost every movie or television show there is some type of sibling bond that comes into play that I can't quite understand, but I know I want to have it.

If Hollywood doesn't already make us feel bad enough, only children have to suffer through an entire day of seeing Instagram photos and Facebook posts about how much our friends and family love their siblings. Meanwhile, we're just chillin' in our beds on social media, scrolling through our phones, eating a whole tub of Ben and Jerry's Half Baked ice cream and watching the new season of Fuller House on Netflix, wishing we were a part of the Tanner family. (Oh wait, is that just me? Awkward.)

Being an only child can be tough sometimes, especially on a day like today. But, you can't change the family you were born into, so my only advice to you is to own it. Forget all of the lonely thoughts you have when you can't post online about your non-existent siblings and remember that growing up as an only child made you into the strong, independent and wise person you are. You had to learn things on your own and you would be a completely different person if you would've had siblings in your life.

So, forget everything you've learned from Sister Sister and Charmed. Forget about National Sibling Day, and let's start celebrating what made us only children who we are.

Dating Tips from an Only Child: Learning how to Compromise

"Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse 'I love you.' Go to work, do your best and don't forget to compromise." 

...Wait, that's not how the song goes.

A lot of people think that if you love someone, then that's all that matters and the rest should come naturally. I hate to break it to you, but that is far from the truth. Having been in a long-distance relationship for the past three years, I can confidently tell you that dating someone takes work, no matter how in love you are. And, whether you're an only child or not, we all have to learn how to compromise. It's just easier, I'm assuming, when you learn at age five rather than by the time you're an adult. But, what other choice did I have when I was the only child in my house and was rarely ever forced to have to find a common ground with anyone?

Alex (my boyfriend), and I have gotten into multiple fights because whenever he wants something his way, which isn't often, I'm always being my stubborn, only-child self. I had always been so used to being the only decision-maker in my life so I had no clue how to adapt to this new concept of considering another person's opinion. I was always right and anyone who disagreed with me was wrong. I think it's pretty obvious where this mindset got me. We went through a lot of these petty fights before I realized that the normal and healthy thing to do in a relationship is to compromise. (Kudos to the one and only Alex Mantica for dealing with me before I came to this realization.)

All I'm saying is if you can't compromise about the little things like where to go for dinner or what movie to rent from Redbox, then how do you expect to handle the bigger situations like what house to buy and where to invest your money? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you should compromise your beliefs or who you are as a person. But, sometimes it's ok to just let it go and agree to disagree instead of constantly arguing about the same thing.

In the past three years I've had to fight all of my selfish and controlling inhibitions and force myself to not always have things go my way. It got easier after awhile and now it makes me happy to make decisions with instead of for Alex. I'm proud to say that we're in a more mature and loving relationship now that I've (mostly) gotten over that stubbornness that comes with being an only child.

What Does an Only Child Know about Dating?

If you've read any of my other posts you might be thinking, "Wow, this girl has learned a lot from being an only child. She must be an expert at dating." Well, let me tell you, you thought wrong.

If that face doesn't describe an only child's dating struggles then I don't know what does.

It turns out that spending all those years growing up as an only child learning how to entertain myself, rely on myself, and be ok with being alone basically all went down the drain when I entered into a serious relationship. Sure, all the lessons I took away from being a single child still apply, but there was a whole new realm of things that I had to learn the hard way when it came to having a significant other in my life. Whether you're an only child, or just a stubborn person in general, here are three dating tips to take away from someone who experienced the extreme end of the spectrum in the dating world:

1. Learn how to compromise. Trust me, this is not an easy thing to do after growing up as an only child and being used to things going my way. But, it is one of the most important attributes in a healthy relationship. Dating someone requires you to consider the other person's point of view and when your opinion doesn't match theirs you have to learn to agree to disagree or pick something in the middle that will satisfy both sides. You want to go out and grab dinner one night and they want to stay in and watch a movie? Easy. Go see a movie and order yourself some popcorn. Compromise. However, I know it's not always that simple, so here is some more advice on how to stop the stubbornness and learn to compromise.

2. Communication is key. I'm sure you've all heard that phrase before, but take it from someone who went from being an only child and not having to communicate with anyone else other than my parents, to being in a long-distance relationship for almost three years. Of course the transition was hard at first, but how do you think we've lasted this long if we don't communicate with one another? Make time to talk to each other and don't be afraid to tell the person you're dating how you're feeling. If you keep things bottled up, they will eventually escape and the outcome will be worse than if you would've just communicated your thoughts with them to begin with. (Not saying this has ever happened to me before...)

3. Even couples need their space. I've never been the type to be in a clingy relationship. Sure everyone is different and some couples like to spend every second with one another, but it's okay to get some fresh air every once in awhile and have a girls night out or a bro's night in playing video games. Even if you just need some time alone to relax and read a good book. Maybe I'm biased because I grew up as an only child and was never constantly spending time with the same people, but I really believe that any healthy relationship should balance their time spent together with time spent alone and with others. This isn't an easy thing to do, so here is some more detailed advice on how to balance your relationship with space.

If You Could Only Imagine: 3 Ways Being an Only Child Sparks Creativity

Growing up as an only child forced me to use a lot of imagination... I had to imagine make-believe characters when playing "house" with my baby dolls and I had to pretend that the tent I made out of couch cushions, blankets and chairs was a castle. I got pretty bored playing by myself so imagination was one of the only things that kept me entertained when I was younger. As I grew up, I began to realize what role this use of imagination played in my creativity and why you should hold onto it even as an adult. Here are three ways using my imagination as an only child taught me how to be creative and how you can spark that creativity too.


1. Become an observer. The boredom that resulted from being the only child in my family caused me to do a lot of people watching. I didn't have constant distractions from other children in the house so I was usually pretty aware of my surroundings. I would sit on my front porch and curiously watch the neighbors as they came home, carried groceries into their house and let their dogs outside to run around. When I went to the store with my mom I would have nothing to do by myself while she shopped so I would pay close attention to what was going on around me and observe other families as they shopped. Being observant allows you to hold onto that open-minded wonder and always be aware of life's many possibilities.

2. Write down your ideas. One perk of being an only child is that I never had other kids in the house constantly bothering me. I had a lot of free time to do whatever I wanted with little distractions, so I spent some of my time writing stories and reading them to my mom. I also liked to make up my own songs and sing them in the shower. Whether you like to escape reality by watching movies or reading books or like to daydream about being on a tropical island, imagination gives you a break from the real world and allows your creative juices to flow. Whatever ideas or stories you have lingering in your head, write them down so you don't forget. Who knows, maybe you'll actually produce a movie from them one day.

3. Ask Questions. Like I've mentioned in some of my previous posts, growing up as an only child, I didn't have any older siblings to teach me the ways of the world. So, whenever I wanted to know something like, "Is the moon really made out of cheese?" Or, "Why can't I see my own eyeballs?" I had to come straight out ask my parents. These are obviously just a few of the ridiculous questions that I had when I was younger, but this concept still applies to my life as a 21 year old. Don't be afraid to ask questions no matter how crazy they might sound. Staying curious and asking questions helps you hold onto your child-like imagination and turns you into a more creative person.

Moral of the story: You don't have to be an only child, or even a young kid at all, to use your imagination. Everyone has ideas and a story to tell. Start being more observant, writing down your ideas and asking questions no matter how stupid you think you might sound. Find that little spark of creativity within you and ignite it using these three lessons I learned growing up as an only child.