If You Could Only Imagine: 3 Ways Being an Only Child Sparks Creativity

Growing up as an only child forced me to use a lot of imagination... I had to imagine make-believe characters when playing "house" with my baby dolls and I had to pretend that the tent I made out of couch cushions, blankets and chairs was a castle. I got pretty bored playing by myself so imagination was one of the only things that kept me entertained when I was younger. As I grew up, I began to realize what role this use of imagination played in my creativity and why you should hold onto it even as an adult. Here are three ways using my imagination as an only child taught me how to be creative and how you can spark that creativity too.


1. Become an observer. The boredom that resulted from being the only child in my family caused me to do a lot of people watching. I didn't have constant distractions from other children in the house so I was usually pretty aware of my surroundings. I would sit on my front porch and curiously watch the neighbors as they came home, carried groceries into their house and let their dogs outside to run around. When I went to the store with my mom I would have nothing to do by myself while she shopped so I would pay close attention to what was going on around me and observe other families as they shopped. Being observant allows you to hold onto that open-minded wonder and always be aware of life's many possibilities.

2. Write down your ideas. One perk of being an only child is that I never had other kids in the house constantly bothering me. I had a lot of free time to do whatever I wanted with little distractions, so I spent some of my time writing stories and reading them to my mom. I also liked to make up my own songs and sing them in the shower. Whether you like to escape reality by watching movies or reading books or like to daydream about being on a tropical island, imagination gives you a break from the real world and allows your creative juices to flow. Whatever ideas or stories you have lingering in your head, write them down so you don't forget. Who knows, maybe you'll actually produce a movie from them one day.

3. Ask Questions. Like I've mentioned in some of my previous posts, growing up as an only child, I didn't have any older siblings to teach me the ways of the world. So, whenever I wanted to know something like, "Is the moon really made out of cheese?" Or, "Why can't I see my own eyeballs?" I had to come straight out ask my parents. These are obviously just a few of the ridiculous questions that I had when I was younger, but this concept still applies to my life as a 21 year old. Don't be afraid to ask questions no matter how crazy they might sound. Staying curious and asking questions helps you hold onto your child-like imagination and turns you into a more creative person.

Moral of the story: You don't have to be an only child, or even a young kid at all, to use your imagination. Everyone has ideas and a story to tell. Start being more observant, writing down your ideas and asking questions no matter how stupid you think you might sound. Find that little spark of creativity within you and ignite it using these three lessons I learned growing up as an only child.

Appreciating your Extended Family

"We. Are. Family. I got all my sisters with me." -said no only child ever.

I guess some songs just don't resonate with everyone the same way. I mean it’s not like I don’t have a family, it’s just that they are in the form of a mom, a dad, aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. My experience I had with my family growing up as an only child is probably a little different than most people who had siblings. I’m here to tell you how being an only child taught me how to appreciate my extended family more, and why you shouldn’t forget to appreciate yours too.

My aunts, uncles, cousins, grandpa, mom and me on our annual camping trip in 2014

First of all, I’m not saying that just because you have siblings that means you don’t also love your extended family. Although, let’s be honest, I know there are some of you out there that dread making the trek to go visit distant relatives that you only see once a year just to be faced with those awkward conversations about how school is, the fact that you’re still single, or the infamous, “Have you gotten taller or have I just shrunk?!” But, I’m just saying that sometimes when you have other family members in your household it can be easy to forget about your other relatives.

Luckily, being an only child basically forced me into creating a special bond with someone other than my parents and my non-existent brothers and sisters. It also helps that we live within a few hours from one another, but even so, I still get excited every single time I get to see my extended family and I always leave with the same longing feeling of wanting to stay with them forever, and here’s why:

For those of you who don’t know what it’s like, being an only child deprives you of that “blood-related” feeling. Granted, a lot of siblings don’t get along, but no matter what, they still share some of the same traits and usually create some type of bond. They have unexplained things in common and have someone to talk to about similar situations and interests. However, only children rarely get to experience this. The only people in their house they’re blood-related to is their parents, and let’s face it, sometimes that just doesn’t cut it.

It’s just that much cooler to get to spend time with people whom I share so many deeply-rooted characteristics with since I never get to as an only child, especially now that I’ve moved away and barely spend time with my parents.

I cherish the time I get to spend with my aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents because when I’m with them I feel like I’m part of such a close-knit community of people that I click with instantly and who really understand me. Just because you might have siblings to experience this with, don’t forget about those other members of your family tree. Take it from an only child: Someone who learned to appreciate her extended family since, after all, they are pretty much the only family she has.

Investing in Relationships 101: Letting go of control

It's my way or the highway.

Letting go of control in relationships is not the easiest thing to do when you're so used to relying on yourself and getting your way. Since I was the only child in my family it's only natural that I was a tad bit spoiled. I was so used to having things go my way and when they didn't it was like World War III. By the time I was in middle school things just shifted from self-entitled to bossy. (I'm totally not proud of this by the way.) But one semi-good thing did come out of my experience. I learned what can happen when you let go of control in a relationship.

When you let go of control, you get to see things from a different perspective. I used to have such a narrow point of view until my best friend Kayla taught me knew things. It got broader when I became close with a group of girls in middle school and high school. And now, after moving to NYC and meeting people from all of the U.S, I've experienced a whole range of perspectives on life. That doesn't mean I have to agree with everyone I encounter, but it's healthy to go about life knowing that there are other ways of thinking and living.

To add on to that, just think of all the things that would be possible if you let go of control and let your relationships play out on their own. If you stopped trying to force things to go according to your plan, you might get to experience an even better plan that you didn't know was possible.

When you let go of control in your relationships it's almost like a weight is lifted off your shoulders. You can relax and go with the flow instead of being constantly frustrated and stubborn. Just think about it. Would you rather be the girl in the blue and white life jacket (Kayla), or the girl in the orange (me)?

Investing in Relationships 101: Making an Effort

"We need to hang out."

*three weeks later*

"Hey, how have you been?" Let's get lunch soon."

*three weeks later*

"Long time no see. Let's catch up soon."

I'm sure most of you have had some type of variation of this conversation more than once in your life, whether it's with someone you used to be close friends with or a new friend that you run into occasionally in the hallway. Either way, making an effort may seem pretty self-explanatory, but a lot of people get wrapped up in their busy lives and forget to stay in touch with old friends or make time for new friends. Like I said before, my best friend Kayla and I grew up, made new relationships and got involved with different activities, but we never stopped making time for each other. Maybe it's because I didn't have any siblings to call up or have family nights with, but either way, whether it was dinner once a month or is now a visit to NYC once a year, it all counts.

Kayla and I during her visit in the fall of my Junior year of college

My other group of friends that I've had since middle school, who are also like sisters to me, also helped me realize how important it is to make an effort. The eight of us have a group text so we're usually in contact at least once a week. Many of them have come to NYC to visit me and whenever I go back home I'm always making plans with them like things are right where we left off.

Top photo: Summer before freshman year of college
Bottom photo:Winter break of junior year of college

My point is it would be easy to not talk as often and not make the effort to visit them or for them to spend the money to visit me, but those things are all part of investing in relationships. You can't expect your relationships to remain the same or grow stronger if you're not putting in the effort.

Not only is it crucial to make an effort with old friends, but you have to do the same with new friends, especially once you get to college and you're busier than you ever thought possible. This is even harder to do in a big city when it's easy to want to do what's simple and convenient for yourself and not take the subway all the way to Brooklyn just to get coffee with someone. But, you will most likely never regret taking the time out of your hectic day to catch up with a friend. I find that most of the time it is exactly what I needed. Your papers will get done and you'll eventually catch up on sleep, but you will never know what type of friendship you would be missing out on if you never make the effort to invest in them.

Investing in Relationships 101: Putting Yourself Out There

Turns out Kayla liked The Powerpuff Girls after all. See what happens when you put yourself out there?

When I moved away to college I almost forgot what it was like to have to make new friends. Kayla and I have stayed friends all these years, and I hung out with the same group of friends throughout middle school and high school, so when I got to New York it was like I was back at square one.

Luckily, I really liked my roommates and all three of us became close friends. In fact, they were pretty much my only friends for my entire first semester.

After we came back from winter break it started to become frustrating seeing everyone else cultivating new relationships and starting friend groups, except for us. Looking back, I can see now that since I grew up with the same close group of girls I just assumed that making new friends would magically happen on its own. Sadly, that’s usually not the case.

I soon realized that the reason I wasn’t making friends was because I wasn’t putting myself out there. I needed to take a page out of the Kayla and Hannah handbook and think about what my three-year-old self would do. I started talking to more people on campus and in my classes and decided to join the cross country team. I got involved with our news broadcast station and started going to campus events and meeting new people.

It’s important that before you get frustrated by the fact that you’re not making friends, whether it’s because you switched high schools, moved to a new town, or are starting college, first take a look at yourself and make sure you’re putting yourself out there and meeting new people. It’s not that others don’t like you, it’s that they don’t know you. Take my advice so that you don't have to learn the hard way. Take a chance and introduce yourself to someone new. You never know, you might get 18 amazing years of self-produced Shania Twain concerts in the car and 2 AM hair and wardrobe make-overs. 

Investing in Relationships 101:

“Make new friends,

but keep the old,

one is silver,

and the other’s gold.”

If you were a Girl Scout in elementary school, then I’m sure you’ve heard this song a time or two. If not, you totally missed out on a crazy world full of competing with other eight-year-olds on who could sell the most thin mints. After all, who doesn’t enjoy a little “healthy” competition? Former Girl Scout or not, there’s a lot to be said about these lyrics. What it all comes down to is that investing in relationships, whether old or new, is important. –Scout’s honor

I learned how to invest in relationships at a very young age; Three to be exact. I was playing in my yard one day and spotted a young girl on the other side of the fence. We walked right up to each other, with our tiny heads barely peaking over the chain-links and introduced ourselves. Her name was Kayla. We said to each other, “Wanna be friends?” And the rest is history.

Unfortunately, as I’m sure you all know by now, making new friends and keeping them around for 18 years isn’t always that easy. I was just one of the lucky ones.

Kayla became like a sister to me. Her grandma lived next door and babysat her while her parents were at work so we basically got to play Barbie’s and drink Sunny D together every day. Since I didn’t have any siblings to play with, my friendship with Kayla taught me a lot about how important it is to build long-lasting relationships. I don’t want to bore those of you just looking for simple answers, so for those who want the full stories be sure to click on the bolded topics to read more. And, without further ado, here are three (of about a thousand) things that my three-year-old self would tell you about how to invest in healthy relationships:

1. Put yourself out there. Now I can’t remember exactly how I felt when I was walking to the edge of my fence preparing to ask Kayla to be my friend, but I’m sure I was nervous. “Will she share her beanie babies with me?” “I hope she likes The Powerpuff Girls.” “What if she doesn’t use BLO pens?” The point is, you will always have doubts about making yourself vulnerable and reaching out to new people, but sometimes amazing relationships can come out of it. I would hate to think that if Kayla and I never worked up the courage to introduce ourselves then we wouldn’t have had these past 18 years of laughter and tears.

2. Let go of control. Poor Kayla. She was my first encounter with the real world, meaning my bratty, spoiled self had never lost at a game of Checkers or Chutes and Ladders until she came along, and she’ll  tell you herself, she took the brunt end of the deal. Learning how to let go of control is something I still struggle with to this day, but if you don’t learn how to do this, you might miss out on all the amazing things your friends have to offer and teach you. You might even end up pushing away some pretty important people.

3. Make an effort. Sure, Kayla and I spent almost every day together until we were like ten. But then life happened. We got busy and made other friends. It wasn’t always easy or convenient to hang out, especially because we went to different schools, and especially now that I live 800 miles away. But, no matter how hard it was and still is, it's always worth making the extra effort. Whether you moved away and are trying to stay in touch with old friends or are trying to make time in your busy life for your new friends, making an effort is by far the most important part in creating and maintaining relationships.

Express Yourself: Why Being Alone is a Good Thing

"It's not what you look like

When you're doin' what you're doin'

It's what you're doin' when you're doin'

What you look like you're doin'

Express yourself!"

Ok, so maybe Charles Wright & The Watts weren't 100% clear when they wrote this song, so let me fill you in on what I think they were talking about.

Being an only child can get pretty lonely. When I was younger, baby dolls were my life and movies were my escape. Before the invention of the internet the only real game I could play on my own was Solitaire (you know that ancient, single-player card game where you lay out the cards in a row and then flip them over until you create stacks of each suit in numerical order). If you're not so familiar, let me tell you, it was pretty exhilarating when I beat... myself. Other than that, multiple player games, like Twister got pretty boring when my parents didn't want to play with me.

The point is, I got used to being by myself and realized as I got older that just because you might feel alone at times or like you don't fit in anywhere, doesn't mean that it has to be a bad thing. In fact, it can be a great thing if you make it that way. Some people drive themselves crazy spending their whole lives trying to fit in with a certain crowd or constantly searching for the person they are supposed to spend the rest of their lives with. Sometimes it even gets to the point where their happiness or self-worth is validated by the opinions of others. If you're one of these people, pay close attention. Here are three reasons why being alone is a good thing.

1. At the risk of sounding cheesy, being alone lets you discover who you really are. When I was younger I had a blank slate and could choose what type of person I wanted to be and could express myself freely. I couldn't be compared to any other children in my family because I was the only one. I also had time to experiment, whether it was with the style of clothes I wore, the sports I played or the pictures I drew.  My mom even let me do my own make up on Halloween. (I think I did a pretty good job for a four year old if I do say so myself). However, for those of you who aren't only children, maybe you had expectations to meet or footsteps to follow in. Just remember that you always have the chance to start fresh and become the person you want to be, and spending some good old quality time with yourself can help you do that.

2. Being alone helps you discover your passions. As I got older, surprisingly I found a more serious passion than smearing some cheap costume make up all over my face, and that was my passion in gymnastics. I made time to invest my whole life in that sport for 13 years and focus my energy on bettering myself through the sport instead of anxiously trying to fit in in places and with people that didn't make me happy.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't still spend time with others and be social, which I also did, I'm just saying that if you're stuck in a situation where you're feeling lonely, maybe you just got over a break up, are in a fight with your friends or just feel like no one is on your side, it's ok. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, use this gift of time as a blessing to find whatever your passion is and better yourself as a person.

3. Being alone allows you to be selfish. When you don't have a significant other to always have to compromise with or anyone else to take into consideration (besides your parents), you have the chance to put yourself first. After high school, I decided to move away and start a life in NYC, granted I started dating someone the summer before I left, but you know some things don't always work out as planned, am I right? However, I didn't let that alter my decision to venture off on my own and discover a new world and all the possibilities that come with it because I knew that I couldn't be truly happy in my relationship unless I was happy with myself first. It's ok to be selfish sometimes and it's a good thing to take advantage of when you feel alone. Moving to NYC is one of the best investments I've ever made in myself and I couldn't have done it if I didn't realize that being alone is a good thing.

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T Do You Know What that Means?

And I’m not just talking about the rap song.

4 Things You Need to Know about becoming more Independent:

When you were a kid odds are at some point you stole a few extra cookies from the jar when your parents weren't looking or maybe you colored some nice artwork on the inside of your closet door. Whatever the case may be, eventually you got caught. Maybe you were an honest and trustworthy child and pleaded guilty when your parents confronted you. Or, like most kids, you probably tried to blame your brother or sister for whatever crime you committed. Either way, you should feel lucky that you had the option because some of us didn't have any siblings to hand off our responsibility to. And these "some of us" are called only children. 

I can tell you from first-hand experience that being an only child was not an easy task. I got all the bad aspects that come with being the oldest child, like having to test the waters in my teenage years by trying to sneak out or have boys over, but I didn't get any of the good stuff like picking on younger siblings or bossing them around. However, now that I'm in college and have moved out of my house, I've realized that there are many lessons that being an only child taught me and that people my age would benefit from knowing, but I'm only going to focus on one in this article. Below are four ways being an only child taught me how to be independent. (Aka four steps to becoming a more independent person).

1. Learn how to Take Risks.

One night during my junior year in high school my best friend Peyton and I snuck out of my house to go hang out with a few senior boys. We made fake bodies on the couch so if my mom walked by the living room she would think we were asleep (genius, I know). However, there was one flaw in our plan. Since we had a security system that set off an alarm when someone opened the front door at night, we left the door cracked so we could get back in without waking my mom. Long story short, the wind blew open the door, so my mom woke up in the middle of the night seeing the door wide open, thinking that someone broke in our house and that Peyton and I were still sleeping on the couch. Needless to say, she was not happy.

Being the only child in my house you can probably guess that I had a few other similar experiences. I had to be the one to take chances and figure out how far I could stretch my mom’s leniency. Who knows if that was a good or bad thing? All I can tell you is that it taught me how to be a risk-taker and to go after opportunities.

In order to become more independent, you have to take chances. You have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone and do things that you never thought would be possible. Whether this means moving from a small town in Indiana to NYC like I did, or starting small by trying out for a part in a play or joining the swim team. If you never take any risks, you’ll never find out what your full potential is and you may be missing out on a lot of great opportunities. If I would’ve never taken the chance to move to NYC, I wouldn’t have made the friends I have today, I probably wouldn’t have gotten some of the internships I’ve had, I wouldn’t know that I was capable of adapting to a different environment and way of life, I wouldn’t have grown to be the person I am today, and the list goes on.

2. Learn how to be Responsible for Your Own Actions.

You can’t be very independent if you don’t know how to be responsible for yourself. Luckily (although, I thought unluckily at the time), when I was younger that was my only choice. I didn’t have others to rely on to help me clean up my toys or wash the dishes. If I did something wrong I didn’t have an excuse. It was my fault and I had to own up to it and bear the consequences.

Life is the same way. If you go around constantly blaming others for your misfortunes, you’ll never be able to move forward. You need to accept responsibility for whatever situation you’re in because only you have the power to change it. Until you realize that, you’ll be miserable and resentful toward others for the rest of your life. After all, you can’t become an independent person if you believe your mistakes depend on other people’s actions.

3. Learn how to Make Your Own Decisions.

Growing up in a household that consisted of only myself and my mom I usually got to make my own choices such as what I wanted to eat for dinner or what I wanted to watch on television. These sound like pretty simple tasks, but after 18 years of living this way it really made an impact. Of course the consequences weren’t all good. I had to learn how to compromise and not always get my way, but more importantly I learned how to make my own decisions.

Not only is this important in becoming an independent person, but it’s just a good trait to have in general. I didn’t realize how many decisions I would have to make when I moved away, such as where to live, what groceries to buy, and should I spend money on that dresser? The quicker you learn how to make these simple decisions on your own, the more independent you’ll become and the easier it will be when you have to make more important decisions like should I spend thousands of dollars to study abroad in Italy?

4. Rely on Yourself. 

Finally, being an only child helped me learn to rely on myself. I had to trust my own instincts and my own judgement. Sure, I had my mom I could go to, but we all know there are some things that you just don’t want to talk about with your parents. Fortunately, I had some close friends I could talk to, but for the most part I depended and relied on myself.

Sure, it’s important to think logically and reasonably, but being an only child taught me that when worst comes to worst you have to trust your gut. This is important because if you can’t trust your own instincts, you’ll constantly be questioning your own decisions and you’ll never want to take that leap of faith to step out of your comfort zone and become more independent. 

So there you have it. Learn how to take chances and go after opportunities in your life by making your own decisions and relying on your own instincts. Things rarely work out the first time, so when they don't, don't blame others for your mistakes. Own up to them and try again. You'll feel more independent in no time.

Stay tuned for more life lessons from an only child.