Dating Tips from an Only Child: Balancing the Space

"I think we just need some space." 

This is pretty much the last thing that anyone wants to hear in a relationship. Giving one another space usually has a negative connotation in the dating world, but as someone who grew up as an only child, I'm here to tell you otherwise.

Space is a good thing as long as it's balanced well. When I first started dating my boyfriend this was a difficult concept for him to grasp. Growing up as an only child, I've always enjoyed being alone or doing my own thing since that's what I was used to, but it's hard to understand that when you didn't experience the same childhood as I did.

Sure, when you're dating someone and start to really like them or even fall in love with them, you want to spend every second you can get with each other. Trust me, I know that feeling all too well. And as much as being in a long-distance relationship sucks, it has certainly taught my boyfriend and me why it's important to spend some time to yourself.

To be clear, I am definitely NOT recommending that everyone should spend months apart in a long-distance relationship. However, as an only child I can confidently say that it is important that you don't forget to save some of your time to spend on yourself. It's easy to get so wrapped up in loving each other that people sometimes forget to live for themselves too. Being an only child has given me the independence and confidence to stay true to myself and go after my goals even if that means moving to NYC and having to be apart from my boyfriend for a little while.

All I'm saying is you should love each other, but love each other enough to support one another's individual hopes and dreams. Love each other enough to not hold each other back. Don't forget to go out with your co-workers once in awhile, or have dinner with an old friend. Take my word as an only child who is in a long-distance relationship and has actually learned from it, it's important to take a step back from your relationship and spend some time away. After all, it helps you appreciate the special time you do get to spend with each other even more.

5 Ways Dogs Can Act as Siblings to an Only Child

Calling all dog-lovers out there. Has your furry friend helped you through rough times? Made you laugh? Made you cry? Here are five ways my dogs have acted as my brother or sister when I didn't have any siblings to spend my time with growing up as an only child.

1. They were my first friend. 

My parents had a dog named Barnum before I was even born. He was there for me ever since I learned how to crawl. Since I was an only child and was too young to make friends, he was my support system. Literally. He held me up when I was learning to walk. He took on the role of my older sibling and made sure no one messed with me. He was the best big brother I never had.

2. They slept in my bed when I was having bad dreams. 

Since I was an only child, I didn't have anyone's bed to crawl into after I woke up in a panic from a nightmare or heard creaking noises coming from the hallway. Sure, sometimes I would sleep with my mom, but when we got our dog, Pebbles, she was like a younger sibling who understood that sometimes I would get scared or lonely. She always let me cuddle her and let me raise her like she was my little sister.

3. They cheered me on at sporting events. 

Most only children probably understand what it feels like when your teammates or classmates have their whole family show up to competitions or events and you just have your mom and dad there to watch you. Well, Pebbles was always a plus one and came to watch me whenever she could. She took the role of being a supportive sibling and came to cheer me on during my cross country races and let me introduce her to my friends and coaches. 

4. They ate dinner with me when my mom wasn't home. 

When I got older and finally got the freedom to stay home by myself (since I was an only child and never had any older siblings to babysit me), I also had to eat dinner alone from time to time. Luckily, we got a new dog named Tucker who loved to eat with me. I spoiled him every now and then and let him eat candy with me while my mom wasn't home in exchange for his company. He has never failed to be the best dinner date I could ask for. 

5. They sent me off to college and welcome me home every time I come back to visit.

Sadly, Barnum passed away awhile ago, but Pebbles and Tucker have stuck by side unconditionally, just like they were my own brother and sister. No matter how much time passes, nothing ever changes when I finally see them again. Well, besides the fact that they both are usually taller and have gained some weight, but I think that's a normal way to feel when people go awhile without seeing their younger siblings. Then again, I guess I'll never know since I'll always be an only child.

Dating Tips from an Only Child: Communication is Key

"A thousand miles seems pretty far, but they've got planes and trains and cars, I'd walk to you if I had no other way."

Sure, this may seem like an angsty teenage love song by the Plain White T's, but for me, an only child in a long distance relationship, it is so much more than that. 

This is one song that has kept me going over the past three years I've been dating my boyfriend. I don't know if it's the fact that they are actually singing about someone who lives in New York City, or the fact that my boyfriend can play it on the guitar (he's so cool), but what it all really comes down to is communication.

Like I've mentioned, as an only child I rarely ever had to worry about compromising or thinking about other people in my home when I was growing up. I lived with my mom and I just had to listen to her, but even then the most communication we had was which friend's house I was going to, how I was doing in school, and what I wanted for dinner. Our household of just us two was very laid back and straight forward, so we barely ever had to worry about any big issues of communication.

That all changed right after high school when I started dating my boyfriend, Alex, and I moved away to NYC while he stayed in Indiana. It was like communication was the only thing I had to worry about now and it was super frustrating at first since I was an only child used to keeping to myself. All of our problems and disagreements seemed to stem from communication issues. Why didn't you call me last night? When are we going to FaceTime? Or just getting in stupid arguments because of the way we were interpreting each others' texts. You'd think after almost three years we would have mastered the art of communication, but it's still something we have to work toward each and every day. 

The big lesson I have taken away from this is to tell each other how you feel all the time. This still isn't easy as an only child, especially since I never had to worry about constantly expressing certain opinions or thoughts to others. Many times my boyfriend and I have gotten into a tiny misunderstanding that shouldn't have become as big of a deal as it did, but we had feelings buried deep down that would come out over the small issue, escalate and then blow the entire thing out of proportion. We could've just avoided the fight altogether if we would have brought up our feelings on the deeper issue beforehand in a mature conversation instead of letting it get to that point. 

Things are never perfect, but we have gotten a lot better now. Even though sometimes we don't agree and we still get into arguments when we communicate with one another, they never get out of hand or blow up because we try to tell each other right away rather than wait until a small problem gets brought up and triggers a deeper-rooted issue. If we do get into an argument we always try to talk it out over the phone so that way nothing can be miscommunicated through text messages. 

But, whether you have to communicate through texting, phone calls, FaceTime, or in person, communication is always key. Even if it's a simple quote taken from the Plain White T's, it all counts. Learn this lesson the easy way and take it from an only child who spends the majority of her relationship communicating over FaceTime. 

#NationalSiblingDay? More Like #OnlyChildProbz

Today is the day where brothers and sisters all around the world will take a break from their disagreements and rivalries and remind each other that even though they don't always get along, they are lucky to have one another. In other words, today is THE MOST DREADED day of the year for an only child. The last thing we want is to hear is how great it is to have siblings in your life. We like to be constantly reassured that they steal your clothes, take all the attention, and get you in trouble. That being said, in honor of National Sibling Day, I will be dedicating this post to all the only children who are feeling left out on this special day.

I don't know about you, but as an only child I often wonder what it would be like if I had siblings. Whenever I'm watching a TV show like FRIENDS or The Vampire Diaries, I can't help but feel jealous about Ross and Monica's hilariously cute relationship or Stefan and Damon's loyal, brotherly love. In fact, it seems like in almost every movie or television show there is some type of sibling bond that comes into play that I can't quite understand, but I know I want to have it.

If Hollywood doesn't already make us feel bad enough, only children have to suffer through an entire day of seeing Instagram photos and Facebook posts about how much our friends and family love their siblings. Meanwhile, we're just chillin' in our beds on social media, scrolling through our phones, eating a whole tub of Ben and Jerry's Half Baked ice cream and watching the new season of Fuller House on Netflix, wishing we were a part of the Tanner family. (Oh wait, is that just me? Awkward.)

Being an only child can be tough sometimes, especially on a day like today. But, you can't change the family you were born into, so my only advice to you is to own it. Forget all of the lonely thoughts you have when you can't post online about your non-existent siblings and remember that growing up as an only child made you into the strong, independent and wise person you are. You had to learn things on your own and you would be a completely different person if you would've had siblings in your life.

So, forget everything you've learned from Sister Sister and Charmed. Forget about National Sibling Day, and let's start celebrating what made us only children who we are.

Dating Tips from an Only Child: Learning how to Compromise

"Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse 'I love you.' Go to work, do your best and don't forget to compromise." 

...Wait, that's not how the song goes.

A lot of people think that if you love someone, then that's all that matters and the rest should come naturally. I hate to break it to you, but that is far from the truth. Having been in a long-distance relationship for the past three years, I can confidently tell you that dating someone takes work, no matter how in love you are. And, whether you're an only child or not, we all have to learn how to compromise. It's just easier, I'm assuming, when you learn at age five rather than by the time you're an adult. But, what other choice did I have when I was the only child in my house and was rarely ever forced to have to find a common ground with anyone?

Alex (my boyfriend), and I have gotten into multiple fights because whenever he wants something his way, which isn't often, I'm always being my stubborn, only-child self. I had always been so used to being the only decision-maker in my life so I had no clue how to adapt to this new concept of considering another person's opinion. I was always right and anyone who disagreed with me was wrong. I think it's pretty obvious where this mindset got me. We went through a lot of these petty fights before I realized that the normal and healthy thing to do in a relationship is to compromise. (Kudos to the one and only Alex Mantica for dealing with me before I came to this realization.)

All I'm saying is if you can't compromise about the little things like where to go for dinner or what movie to rent from Redbox, then how do you expect to handle the bigger situations like what house to buy and where to invest your money? Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you should compromise your beliefs or who you are as a person. But, sometimes it's ok to just let it go and agree to disagree instead of constantly arguing about the same thing.

In the past three years I've had to fight all of my selfish and controlling inhibitions and force myself to not always have things go my way. It got easier after awhile and now it makes me happy to make decisions with instead of for Alex. I'm proud to say that we're in a more mature and loving relationship now that I've (mostly) gotten over that stubbornness that comes with being an only child.

What Does an Only Child Know about Dating?

If you've read any of my other posts you might be thinking, "Wow, this girl has learned a lot from being an only child. She must be an expert at dating." Well, let me tell you, you thought wrong.

If that face doesn't describe an only child's dating struggles then I don't know what does.

It turns out that spending all those years growing up as an only child learning how to entertain myself, rely on myself, and be ok with being alone basically all went down the drain when I entered into a serious relationship. Sure, all the lessons I took away from being a single child still apply, but there was a whole new realm of things that I had to learn the hard way when it came to having a significant other in my life. Whether you're an only child, or just a stubborn person in general, here are three dating tips to take away from someone who experienced the extreme end of the spectrum in the dating world:

1. Learn how to compromise. Trust me, this is not an easy thing to do after growing up as an only child and being used to things going my way. But, it is one of the most important attributes in a healthy relationship. Dating someone requires you to consider the other person's point of view and when your opinion doesn't match theirs you have to learn to agree to disagree or pick something in the middle that will satisfy both sides. You want to go out and grab dinner one night and they want to stay in and watch a movie? Easy. Go see a movie and order yourself some popcorn. Compromise. However, I know it's not always that simple, so here is some more advice on how to stop the stubbornness and learn to compromise.

2. Communication is key. I'm sure you've all heard that phrase before, but take it from someone who went from being an only child and not having to communicate with anyone else other than my parents, to being in a long-distance relationship for almost three years. Of course the transition was hard at first, but how do you think we've lasted this long if we don't communicate with one another? Make time to talk to each other and don't be afraid to tell the person you're dating how you're feeling. If you keep things bottled up, they will eventually escape and the outcome will be worse than if you would've just communicated your thoughts with them to begin with. (Not saying this has ever happened to me before...)

3. Even couples need their space. I've never been the type to be in a clingy relationship. Sure everyone is different and some couples like to spend every second with one another, but it's okay to get some fresh air every once in awhile and have a girls night out or a bro's night in playing video games. Even if you just need some time alone to relax and read a good book. Maybe I'm biased because I grew up as an only child and was never constantly spending time with the same people, but I really believe that any healthy relationship should balance their time spent together with time spent alone and with others. This isn't an easy thing to do, so here is some more detailed advice on how to balance your relationship with space.

If You Could Only Imagine: 3 Ways Being an Only Child Sparks Creativity

Growing up as an only child forced me to use a lot of imagination... I had to imagine make-believe characters when playing "house" with my baby dolls and I had to pretend that the tent I made out of couch cushions, blankets and chairs was a castle. I got pretty bored playing by myself so imagination was one of the only things that kept me entertained when I was younger. As I grew up, I began to realize what role this use of imagination played in my creativity and why you should hold onto it even as an adult. Here are three ways using my imagination as an only child taught me how to be creative and how you can spark that creativity too.


1. Become an observer. The boredom that resulted from being the only child in my family caused me to do a lot of people watching. I didn't have constant distractions from other children in the house so I was usually pretty aware of my surroundings. I would sit on my front porch and curiously watch the neighbors as they came home, carried groceries into their house and let their dogs outside to run around. When I went to the store with my mom I would have nothing to do by myself while she shopped so I would pay close attention to what was going on around me and observe other families as they shopped. Being observant allows you to hold onto that open-minded wonder and always be aware of life's many possibilities.

2. Write down your ideas. One perk of being an only child is that I never had other kids in the house constantly bothering me. I had a lot of free time to do whatever I wanted with little distractions, so I spent some of my time writing stories and reading them to my mom. I also liked to make up my own songs and sing them in the shower. Whether you like to escape reality by watching movies or reading books or like to daydream about being on a tropical island, imagination gives you a break from the real world and allows your creative juices to flow. Whatever ideas or stories you have lingering in your head, write them down so you don't forget. Who knows, maybe you'll actually produce a movie from them one day.

3. Ask Questions. Like I've mentioned in some of my previous posts, growing up as an only child, I didn't have any older siblings to teach me the ways of the world. So, whenever I wanted to know something like, "Is the moon really made out of cheese?" Or, "Why can't I see my own eyeballs?" I had to come straight out ask my parents. These are obviously just a few of the ridiculous questions that I had when I was younger, but this concept still applies to my life as a 21 year old. Don't be afraid to ask questions no matter how crazy they might sound. Staying curious and asking questions helps you hold onto your child-like imagination and turns you into a more creative person.

Moral of the story: You don't have to be an only child, or even a young kid at all, to use your imagination. Everyone has ideas and a story to tell. Start being more observant, writing down your ideas and asking questions no matter how stupid you think you might sound. Find that little spark of creativity within you and ignite it using these three lessons I learned growing up as an only child.

Appreciating your Extended Family

"We. Are. Family. I got all my sisters with me." -said no only child ever.

I guess some songs just don't resonate with everyone the same way. I mean it’s not like I don’t have a family, it’s just that they are in the form of a mom, a dad, aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. My experience I had with my family growing up as an only child is probably a little different than most people who had siblings. I’m here to tell you how being an only child taught me how to appreciate my extended family more, and why you shouldn’t forget to appreciate yours too.

My aunts, uncles, cousins, grandpa, mom and me on our annual camping trip in 2014

First of all, I’m not saying that just because you have siblings that means you don’t also love your extended family. Although, let’s be honest, I know there are some of you out there that dread making the trek to go visit distant relatives that you only see once a year just to be faced with those awkward conversations about how school is, the fact that you’re still single, or the infamous, “Have you gotten taller or have I just shrunk?!” But, I’m just saying that sometimes when you have other family members in your household it can be easy to forget about your other relatives.

Luckily, being an only child basically forced me into creating a special bond with someone other than my parents and my non-existent brothers and sisters. It also helps that we live within a few hours from one another, but even so, I still get excited every single time I get to see my extended family and I always leave with the same longing feeling of wanting to stay with them forever, and here’s why:

For those of you who don’t know what it’s like, being an only child deprives you of that “blood-related” feeling. Granted, a lot of siblings don’t get along, but no matter what, they still share some of the same traits and usually create some type of bond. They have unexplained things in common and have someone to talk to about similar situations and interests. However, only children rarely get to experience this. The only people in their house they’re blood-related to is their parents, and let’s face it, sometimes that just doesn’t cut it.

It’s just that much cooler to get to spend time with people whom I share so many deeply-rooted characteristics with since I never get to as an only child, especially now that I’ve moved away and barely spend time with my parents.

I cherish the time I get to spend with my aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents because when I’m with them I feel like I’m part of such a close-knit community of people that I click with instantly and who really understand me. Just because you might have siblings to experience this with, don’t forget about those other members of your family tree. Take it from an only child: Someone who learned to appreciate her extended family since, after all, they are pretty much the only family she has.

Investing in Relationships 101: Letting go of control

It's my way or the highway.

Letting go of control in relationships is not the easiest thing to do when you're so used to relying on yourself and getting your way. Since I was the only child in my family it's only natural that I was a tad bit spoiled. I was so used to having things go my way and when they didn't it was like World War III. By the time I was in middle school things just shifted from self-entitled to bossy. (I'm totally not proud of this by the way.) But one semi-good thing did come out of my experience. I learned what can happen when you let go of control in a relationship.

When you let go of control, you get to see things from a different perspective. I used to have such a narrow point of view until my best friend Kayla taught me knew things. It got broader when I became close with a group of girls in middle school and high school. And now, after moving to NYC and meeting people from all of the U.S, I've experienced a whole range of perspectives on life. That doesn't mean I have to agree with everyone I encounter, but it's healthy to go about life knowing that there are other ways of thinking and living.

To add on to that, just think of all the things that would be possible if you let go of control and let your relationships play out on their own. If you stopped trying to force things to go according to your plan, you might get to experience an even better plan that you didn't know was possible.

When you let go of control in your relationships it's almost like a weight is lifted off your shoulders. You can relax and go with the flow instead of being constantly frustrated and stubborn. Just think about it. Would you rather be the girl in the blue and white life jacket (Kayla), or the girl in the orange (me)?

Investing in Relationships 101: Making an Effort

"We need to hang out."

*three weeks later*

"Hey, how have you been?" Let's get lunch soon."

*three weeks later*

"Long time no see. Let's catch up soon."

I'm sure most of you have had some type of variation of this conversation more than once in your life, whether it's with someone you used to be close friends with or a new friend that you run into occasionally in the hallway. Either way, making an effort may seem pretty self-explanatory, but a lot of people get wrapped up in their busy lives and forget to stay in touch with old friends or make time for new friends. Like I said before, my best friend Kayla and I grew up, made new relationships and got involved with different activities, but we never stopped making time for each other. Maybe it's because I didn't have any siblings to call up or have family nights with, but either way, whether it was dinner once a month or is now a visit to NYC once a year, it all counts.

Kayla and I during her visit in the fall of my Junior year of college

My other group of friends that I've had since middle school, who are also like sisters to me, also helped me realize how important it is to make an effort. The eight of us have a group text so we're usually in contact at least once a week. Many of them have come to NYC to visit me and whenever I go back home I'm always making plans with them like things are right where we left off.

Top photo: Summer before freshman year of college
Bottom photo:Winter break of junior year of college

My point is it would be easy to not talk as often and not make the effort to visit them or for them to spend the money to visit me, but those things are all part of investing in relationships. You can't expect your relationships to remain the same or grow stronger if you're not putting in the effort.

Not only is it crucial to make an effort with old friends, but you have to do the same with new friends, especially once you get to college and you're busier than you ever thought possible. This is even harder to do in a big city when it's easy to want to do what's simple and convenient for yourself and not take the subway all the way to Brooklyn just to get coffee with someone. But, you will most likely never regret taking the time out of your hectic day to catch up with a friend. I find that most of the time it is exactly what I needed. Your papers will get done and you'll eventually catch up on sleep, but you will never know what type of friendship you would be missing out on if you never make the effort to invest in them.

Investing in Relationships 101: Putting Yourself Out There

Turns out Kayla liked The Powerpuff Girls after all. See what happens when you put yourself out there?

When I moved away to college I almost forgot what it was like to have to make new friends. Kayla and I have stayed friends all these years, and I hung out with the same group of friends throughout middle school and high school, so when I got to New York it was like I was back at square one.

Luckily, I really liked my roommates and all three of us became close friends. In fact, they were pretty much my only friends for my entire first semester.

After we came back from winter break it started to become frustrating seeing everyone else cultivating new relationships and starting friend groups, except for us. Looking back, I can see now that since I grew up with the same close group of girls I just assumed that making new friends would magically happen on its own. Sadly, that’s usually not the case.

I soon realized that the reason I wasn’t making friends was because I wasn’t putting myself out there. I needed to take a page out of the Kayla and Hannah handbook and think about what my three-year-old self would do. I started talking to more people on campus and in my classes and decided to join the cross country team. I got involved with our news broadcast station and started going to campus events and meeting new people.

It’s important that before you get frustrated by the fact that you’re not making friends, whether it’s because you switched high schools, moved to a new town, or are starting college, first take a look at yourself and make sure you’re putting yourself out there and meeting new people. It’s not that others don’t like you, it’s that they don’t know you. Take my advice so that you don't have to learn the hard way. Take a chance and introduce yourself to someone new. You never know, you might get 18 amazing years of self-produced Shania Twain concerts in the car and 2 AM hair and wardrobe make-overs. 

Investing in Relationships 101:

“Make new friends,

but keep the old,

one is silver,

and the other’s gold.”

If you were a Girl Scout in elementary school, then I’m sure you’ve heard this song a time or two. If not, you totally missed out on a crazy world full of competing with other eight-year-olds on who could sell the most thin mints. After all, who doesn’t enjoy a little “healthy” competition? Former Girl Scout or not, there’s a lot to be said about these lyrics. What it all comes down to is that investing in relationships, whether old or new, is important. –Scout’s honor

I learned how to invest in relationships at a very young age; Three to be exact. I was playing in my yard one day and spotted a young girl on the other side of the fence. We walked right up to each other, with our tiny heads barely peaking over the chain-links and introduced ourselves. Her name was Kayla. We said to each other, “Wanna be friends?” And the rest is history.

Unfortunately, as I’m sure you all know by now, making new friends and keeping them around for 18 years isn’t always that easy. I was just one of the lucky ones.

Kayla became like a sister to me. Her grandma lived next door and babysat her while her parents were at work so we basically got to play Barbie’s and drink Sunny D together every day. Since I didn’t have any siblings to play with, my friendship with Kayla taught me a lot about how important it is to build long-lasting relationships. I don’t want to bore those of you just looking for simple answers, so for those who want the full stories be sure to click on the bolded topics to read more. And, without further ado, here are three (of about a thousand) things that my three-year-old self would tell you about how to invest in healthy relationships:

1. Put yourself out there. Now I can’t remember exactly how I felt when I was walking to the edge of my fence preparing to ask Kayla to be my friend, but I’m sure I was nervous. “Will she share her beanie babies with me?” “I hope she likes The Powerpuff Girls.” “What if she doesn’t use BLO pens?” The point is, you will always have doubts about making yourself vulnerable and reaching out to new people, but sometimes amazing relationships can come out of it. I would hate to think that if Kayla and I never worked up the courage to introduce ourselves then we wouldn’t have had these past 18 years of laughter and tears.

2. Let go of control. Poor Kayla. She was my first encounter with the real world, meaning my bratty, spoiled self had never lost at a game of Checkers or Chutes and Ladders until she came along, and she’ll  tell you herself, she took the brunt end of the deal. Learning how to let go of control is something I still struggle with to this day, but if you don’t learn how to do this, you might miss out on all the amazing things your friends have to offer and teach you. You might even end up pushing away some pretty important people.

3. Make an effort. Sure, Kayla and I spent almost every day together until we were like ten. But then life happened. We got busy and made other friends. It wasn’t always easy or convenient to hang out, especially because we went to different schools, and especially now that I live 800 miles away. But, no matter how hard it was and still is, it's always worth making the extra effort. Whether you moved away and are trying to stay in touch with old friends or are trying to make time in your busy life for your new friends, making an effort is by far the most important part in creating and maintaining relationships.

Express Yourself: Why Being Alone is a Good Thing

"It's not what you look like

When you're doin' what you're doin'

It's what you're doin' when you're doin'

What you look like you're doin'

Express yourself!"

Ok, so maybe Charles Wright & The Watts weren't 100% clear when they wrote this song, so let me fill you in on what I think they were talking about.

Being an only child can get pretty lonely. When I was younger, baby dolls were my life and movies were my escape. Before the invention of the internet the only real game I could play on my own was Solitaire (you know that ancient, single-player card game where you lay out the cards in a row and then flip them over until you create stacks of each suit in numerical order). If you're not so familiar, let me tell you, it was pretty exhilarating when I beat... myself. Other than that, multiple player games, like Twister got pretty boring when my parents didn't want to play with me.

The point is, I got used to being by myself and realized as I got older that just because you might feel alone at times or like you don't fit in anywhere, doesn't mean that it has to be a bad thing. In fact, it can be a great thing if you make it that way. Some people drive themselves crazy spending their whole lives trying to fit in with a certain crowd or constantly searching for the person they are supposed to spend the rest of their lives with. Sometimes it even gets to the point where their happiness or self-worth is validated by the opinions of others. If you're one of these people, pay close attention. Here are three reasons why being alone is a good thing.

1. At the risk of sounding cheesy, being alone lets you discover who you really are. When I was younger I had a blank slate and could choose what type of person I wanted to be and could express myself freely. I couldn't be compared to any other children in my family because I was the only one. I also had time to experiment, whether it was with the style of clothes I wore, the sports I played or the pictures I drew.  My mom even let me do my own make up on Halloween. (I think I did a pretty good job for a four year old if I do say so myself). However, for those of you who aren't only children, maybe you had expectations to meet or footsteps to follow in. Just remember that you always have the chance to start fresh and become the person you want to be, and spending some good old quality time with yourself can help you do that.

2. Being alone helps you discover your passions. As I got older, surprisingly I found a more serious passion than smearing some cheap costume make up all over my face, and that was my passion in gymnastics. I made time to invest my whole life in that sport for 13 years and focus my energy on bettering myself through the sport instead of anxiously trying to fit in in places and with people that didn't make me happy.

I'm not saying that you shouldn't still spend time with others and be social, which I also did, I'm just saying that if you're stuck in a situation where you're feeling lonely, maybe you just got over a break up, are in a fight with your friends or just feel like no one is on your side, it's ok. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, use this gift of time as a blessing to find whatever your passion is and better yourself as a person.

3. Being alone allows you to be selfish. When you don't have a significant other to always have to compromise with or anyone else to take into consideration (besides your parents), you have the chance to put yourself first. After high school, I decided to move away and start a life in NYC, granted I started dating someone the summer before I left, but you know some things don't always work out as planned, am I right? However, I didn't let that alter my decision to venture off on my own and discover a new world and all the possibilities that come with it because I knew that I couldn't be truly happy in my relationship unless I was happy with myself first. It's ok to be selfish sometimes and it's a good thing to take advantage of when you feel alone. Moving to NYC is one of the best investments I've ever made in myself and I couldn't have done it if I didn't realize that being alone is a good thing.

I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T Do You Know What that Means?

And I’m not just talking about the rap song.

4 Things You Need to Know about becoming more Independent:

When you were a kid odds are at some point you stole a few extra cookies from the jar when your parents weren't looking or maybe you colored some nice artwork on the inside of your closet door. Whatever the case may be, eventually you got caught. Maybe you were an honest and trustworthy child and pleaded guilty when your parents confronted you. Or, like most kids, you probably tried to blame your brother or sister for whatever crime you committed. Either way, you should feel lucky that you had the option because some of us didn't have any siblings to hand off our responsibility to. And these "some of us" are called only children. 

I can tell you from first-hand experience that being an only child was not an easy task. I got all the bad aspects that come with being the oldest child, like having to test the waters in my teenage years by trying to sneak out or have boys over, but I didn't get any of the good stuff like picking on younger siblings or bossing them around. However, now that I'm in college and have moved out of my house, I've realized that there are many lessons that being an only child taught me and that people my age would benefit from knowing, but I'm only going to focus on one in this article. Below are four ways being an only child taught me how to be independent. (Aka four steps to becoming a more independent person).

1. Learn how to Take Risks.

One night during my junior year in high school my best friend Peyton and I snuck out of my house to go hang out with a few senior boys. We made fake bodies on the couch so if my mom walked by the living room she would think we were asleep (genius, I know). However, there was one flaw in our plan. Since we had a security system that set off an alarm when someone opened the front door at night, we left the door cracked so we could get back in without waking my mom. Long story short, the wind blew open the door, so my mom woke up in the middle of the night seeing the door wide open, thinking that someone broke in our house and that Peyton and I were still sleeping on the couch. Needless to say, she was not happy.

Being the only child in my house you can probably guess that I had a few other similar experiences. I had to be the one to take chances and figure out how far I could stretch my mom’s leniency. Who knows if that was a good or bad thing? All I can tell you is that it taught me how to be a risk-taker and to go after opportunities.

In order to become more independent, you have to take chances. You have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone and do things that you never thought would be possible. Whether this means moving from a small town in Indiana to NYC like I did, or starting small by trying out for a part in a play or joining the swim team. If you never take any risks, you’ll never find out what your full potential is and you may be missing out on a lot of great opportunities. If I would’ve never taken the chance to move to NYC, I wouldn’t have made the friends I have today, I probably wouldn’t have gotten some of the internships I’ve had, I wouldn’t know that I was capable of adapting to a different environment and way of life, I wouldn’t have grown to be the person I am today, and the list goes on.

2. Learn how to be Responsible for Your Own Actions.

You can’t be very independent if you don’t know how to be responsible for yourself. Luckily (although, I thought unluckily at the time), when I was younger that was my only choice. I didn’t have others to rely on to help me clean up my toys or wash the dishes. If I did something wrong I didn’t have an excuse. It was my fault and I had to own up to it and bear the consequences.

Life is the same way. If you go around constantly blaming others for your misfortunes, you’ll never be able to move forward. You need to accept responsibility for whatever situation you’re in because only you have the power to change it. Until you realize that, you’ll be miserable and resentful toward others for the rest of your life. After all, you can’t become an independent person if you believe your mistakes depend on other people’s actions.

3. Learn how to Make Your Own Decisions.

Growing up in a household that consisted of only myself and my mom I usually got to make my own choices such as what I wanted to eat for dinner or what I wanted to watch on television. These sound like pretty simple tasks, but after 18 years of living this way it really made an impact. Of course the consequences weren’t all good. I had to learn how to compromise and not always get my way, but more importantly I learned how to make my own decisions.

Not only is this important in becoming an independent person, but it’s just a good trait to have in general. I didn’t realize how many decisions I would have to make when I moved away, such as where to live, what groceries to buy, and should I spend money on that dresser? The quicker you learn how to make these simple decisions on your own, the more independent you’ll become and the easier it will be when you have to make more important decisions like should I spend thousands of dollars to study abroad in Italy?

4. Rely on Yourself. 

Finally, being an only child helped me learn to rely on myself. I had to trust my own instincts and my own judgement. Sure, I had my mom I could go to, but we all know there are some things that you just don’t want to talk about with your parents. Fortunately, I had some close friends I could talk to, but for the most part I depended and relied on myself.

Sure, it’s important to think logically and reasonably, but being an only child taught me that when worst comes to worst you have to trust your gut. This is important because if you can’t trust your own instincts, you’ll constantly be questioning your own decisions and you’ll never want to take that leap of faith to step out of your comfort zone and become more independent. 

So there you have it. Learn how to take chances and go after opportunities in your life by making your own decisions and relying on your own instincts. Things rarely work out the first time, so when they don't, don't blame others for your mistakes. Own up to them and try again. You'll feel more independent in no time.

Stay tuned for more life lessons from an only child.